Hellers Paradox

"The chaplain had sinned, and it was good...The chaplain had mastered, in a moment of divine intuition, the handy technique of protective rationalization, and he was exhilarated by his discovery. It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character."

Is this what we are reduced to then? Our government, our generation, our world? Me, me me?

Why have character? Heller, makes the point, why? Who benefits, why we do, if we have a soul!

Does that make me crazy?

Im a little psychotic today, er, this week. I see the black birds fly overhead and as they go by they change into colorful birds of paradise. The sparrows chirp my name and look into my very soul. If only they spoke English I feel they could tell me so many things. I have spent a lot of time sketching an old cow's skull I have had for years, I collect skulls. I have a mouse, a fox, a cow, deer, and an unknown, coyote, maybe. I feel very detatched, high, and floaty, not unpleasant but with an undertone of anxiety (pop goes the Ativan) I spend a lot of time alone. I wonder a lot about everything, what matters, why bother, etc... But I'm OK. The medicine is increased and is now flowing freely, damping off my mind. Backing it off into reality again. Sometimes it comes back for a second, the tunnel vision, the bright colors, the high feeling of ultimate knowledge. BUt that's just me. And I "gotta be me" like the song says. Thanks for putting up with that guys.
Love and Peace
Dulcinea