Dead Man

James! What dead man is in Yossarians tent? When he complains to superiors he is ignored? Is there really a dead man? Is is a delusion? Is he crazy? Do you know what I mean?

Ode to "Blondie" (inspired and mostly ripped off from the B-52's)

sung to the tune of "Debbie"


Blondie
Radio operator to the tower
Blondie's coming' in for a landing
Oh put your head between your knees
Caused by the vibrations of love
They're about to shake Dr. Long to pieces

(Chorus)
Shell-shocked supersonic blonde
Hyperphonic female
Dark sunglasses on
Everyone is here to see
Her all-girl rock band

Vortex pulls him in
Vortex spits him out
Blue-eyed glitter child strappin'
on her computer
We witness the utltrasonic imploding
impartation
Bodies exhausted in total elation

(CHorus)

Oh Blondie
Queen of the underground
Carrying her computer
The battle over
My downtown baby is headin home
Singing a song
She's walking along
She's walking along the blog
Now she's typing my way
As our hearts and our dark sunglasses lock

(CHorus)

Every day-every day
Just a little bit wilder
Every day-every day
Just a little bit tighter
Every day-every day
Just a little bit wilder
Every day-every day
Take it a little bit higher!

Has War Driven Them Sane?

In Catch-22 by Joseph Heller I am often left dumbfounded by his language. Some of my favorite quotes.
"There's no patriotism, that's what it is. And no matriotism, either."

"THe Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him."

"I am Captain Yossarian....of the fighting 256th Squadron...that's two to the fighting eighths power....if you're thinking of writing a symbolic poem about our squadron."

LOL

I believe the remark about being in love with the chaplain simply must be a foreshadowing of Yossarians death. what do you think James? On to chapter two?

That F*#king Bipolar Train

The rain in my brain
falls mainly on my pain

give me some rain to wash away the stain
put the blame on mame
cuz I can't take the shame
I don't know my name
and I search in vain
in vain
in vain
and here
comes
the train

The blame for the pain
is because of the train
that runs thru my terrain
and the main refrain
(which always sounds the same
says shame, shame, shame
you broke your picture frame
now bow down for the crane
that holds your load of pain
than rains upon your brain
that tries to hide the strain
of this horrible refrain

the stain
will ere remain
will ere remain

who else could contain?
this brain
of pain?
of rain?
and disdain?
And how I wish that godamn train would STOP!

But here it comes on the track
Clickity clack, yakity yak,
full of smack and new attack

I'm tied to the track

Here comes the new surprise
All my truth has turned to lies
All my gods to evil eyes
so the rain turns up the pain
The blooming stain
runs in the rain

Whats on the track?
thats my brain
there's my pain
hear the refrain?

Pain is pain rain is rain
but my brain is but a stain where the train stopped
to dump and strain
all the dross and all the drain
from the alien remains

Oh how I hate these F&*%ing TRAINS!!!

5/15/07

Good day. Did Yoga in the park with a high priestess, June. Felt better because I "forgot" my Klonipin. Also feel much better for real because Cindy is putting me on Ativan instead, she says it's much faster acting than klon. That is a big relief as I have been spontaneously falling asleep in the middle of activities. Not fun. Yesterday I took three naps. Im a wreck. She, Cindy, the pdoc, asked how everything else was and I forgot to tell her the rest but for now this is good. Very good. During meditation I focused on a golden spiral.

MT blues

When I first started at MT (yes this is my own secret code) I was lost and felt alone. I had been dx as bipolar for about 6 months and on depakote. My hair was falling out, I was fat, I lay around the house most of the day staring, not caring. I started to get into posting on a neat online community called MT. I used to just read mostly. Usually a few posts in the afternoon after finally dragging myself into some clothes just in time to make dinner. I'd post a few half hearted attempts myself. It was confusing at first, so many topics so many people. Then I noticed a few stand out people, one guy in particular who rhymes with enigmaromper. He was a gas, so much energy! He'd say "Dulcinea Rules" LOL. Made me smile! Nice Lady named Blondie responded to my tentative post "Im new here" she sounded so welcoming. Encouraged me to stay on my meds. I was suicidal. Course I didnt say so. I was manic, depressed, hyper, slow...you name it. Some days I typed for an hour and came away feeling really good. Better about myself. Blondie told me, keep my chin up, you're not alone, she was nice to me! I felt like a person, like I hadn't in a long time. Then I branched out a little. Cardznutz started telling me about his Sociology class! Now there was a dude after my own heart. He hates injustice and so do I. Alas I had such a hard time navagating the dang site! the Dopamax was doing it's work. For a while I drifted through the maze of MT ranting and raving sweet nothings until I found the musinators and cardznutz again and found likeminded ones again. What fun we had! Meeting manic, depressed, affected, defective, everyone open and nice. I liked it until the doctor was in....

testing

http://music.aol.com/video/you-get-what-you-give/new-radicals/1346417 Hey that didnt work but this is a really good song.

med change

eyes everywhere
alias unknown
no ones home

the red eye opens
searching for me
cant let it see
i'm here all alone

windows uncurtained
leave too much to see
crouched in the corner
thats me

if my soul were unburdened
would it float to the sea
sink to the depths
where i could be free

the unblinking eye
keeps me in my place

frozen in time
frozen in space

i stay in this room
this cell
my place
with peeling lead paint
and scabs on my face
i rock back and forth
and chew on my tongue

and the horrid huge eye
stares on and on

Silence

I am not here
Just a shell
My mind skips like a stone
over smooth water
irretrievable thoughts
outrace my feelings
and sink to the bottom
where they glisten
but remain hidden
safe even from
myself

boundary

Stars overhead
reel and spin
the blackness
sucks me in
I feel my soul slip and sway
only flesh keeps me
Or I would fly away